It's Always Raining
by Civic SI
Summary: This is my true life story right now. I just changed the names to Final Fantasy VII characters. Tell me what you think. Rated M for drug use, Heavy cursing, Abuse, Pregnancy, and what day to day life is about for some people.
1. Chapter 1

The bank account read -374

I let out a small "fuck" withdrawing my card from the machine that has successfully ruined any chance of a good day today. I get back in my borrowed car. Thank god for Zack and his kindness. I'm now currently on the downhill side of a bad Xanax Overdose, the doctors say I need one or two to keep my sanity...15 of them seem to do the trick, only problem is the hangover...two days later...you feel like a zombie or "unreal" so to speak. They told me never to take that much because of the respiratory side effects...basically it slows down your lungs and eventually you just stop breathing and while a month ago I would have been fine with that, I just found out that I have a child on the way, so now I must stay alive for her and my unborn child. I really do love Tifa, we have been dating for about three weeks...and yeah...shes pregnant. For what its worth my heart is still there, it has suffered some in the past but as soon as I saw Tifa for the first time it was her's. I never believed in Angels or God until I found her. I think she is God's way of apologizing.  
So I guess I should introduce myself.  
My name is Cloud Strife. I'm 20 years old.  
My girlfriend's name is Tifa Lockhart. She is 17.  
I live with Three guys in a small house in a decent neighborhood.  
Zack who is 21, he also owns the car I drive everywhere Zack is my brother in every sense of the word. The only thing we dont share is blood. But even that wouldnt make us any closer. He goes to college and during the day I take his car.

Barrett who is 23, Again another brother minus the blood. If there there is anyone you want to be on your side in a fight its him. 6'5" maybe? Huge dude. Nicest guy you would ever meet until you endanger his family.

Vincent who is 17, Vincent...well Vincent showed up one day and never left...I mean we all did in a sense. Vincent is his own person and takes some getting used to, I wonder who's heart is further buried...mine or his...

So now I'm on the way to pick up my underage pregnant girlfriend from school. I'm trying to get her out of her house for good. Her father is very abusive and right now I fear for my child's life. One problem, she defends him because of some god awful mind fuck she has...so she won't let me kill him which sucks because the Xanax would.  
I missed work the last two days because...well I was blacked out from Xanax... I don't remember the last two days. I hope my boss will help me out. My child will have to eat and Tifa isn't gonna be able to work anymore in a few months.  
I wish I could explain to you why she loves some asshole like me..But I don't know why I just know it's real by the way she looks at me...

So if you haven't figured it out yet I suck at writing a diary, but honestly I don't care, read it if you want. I'll try to keep things at a slower pace than my mind.

I pull up to the school and see her standing out front, of course, my heart softens once I catch a glimpse of her. She gets in the car and kisses me

"How was your day baby?" I say

"Fine, I'm tired and a little sick to my stomach"  
"you shouldn't go to work today"

She gives me sort of a blank stare.  
"Cloud, I have to work...we need the money"  
She rubs her stomach gently.  
"I know, I'm waiting on my boss to call me."

We drive to her job...she works at a restaurant making 8 bucks and hour. It's better than nothing but I fear the smell of that crappy food will make her sick..she doesn't seem to mind. We pull up and I park the car.

"Baby are you sure you want to go in today"  
"Yeah...and I have to go home tonight"  
The sound of that sentence tears through me

"Please...don't...stay with me"  
"I can't baby...he will call the cops again"  
That stupid motherfucker..she says she won't move out until she is 18...6 more months...that is...if she is allowed to stay after her father finds out she is pregnant...I assume it will end up in a brawl in her front yard...I'll take care of it when it happens.

She steps out of the car and kisses me goodbye...

"I love you Tifa and I promise I'll get us on our feet"  
"I know you will Cloud...That's why I love you.."

She walks inside. I take a bottle out of the glove box containing some pills. I take a 4&2 or in non-pill popper language 4 ibprofen and 2 excedrin migraine. I can't shake the headache I have now. Fuck you Xanax..It's a love hate relationship with me and Xannys.  
I leave the parking lot looking back to see her tying her apron on..

I wisper to myself "I promise I'll make this better Tifa..."

Lord knows I can't break a promise...not anymore...

So welcome to my life, if your interested than read on.. I'll try to be better about the details but there you have it for a basic outline of my life...

My name is Cloud Strife and I have alot on my mind...

* * *

So this is just me translating my current life into a FF7 fan fiction. True story...just the names are changed. I'm posting this to see if I should continue..do you guys think I could have a good thing going here? Review and let me know if it is worth it.

It is kinda weird...my life works pretty well as a fan fiction I think. Even odder to call myself Cloud. But whatever, let me know.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

"Same old story, Same old act...One step up and two steps back."

And I think to Myself as I light up another cigarette. How did this all happen?

I know I haven't updated this journal in two weeks but it has been the most eventful two weeks of my life. Allow me to fill you in.

I've quit Xanax, it was a tough battle but I won. Tifa is now living with me, which is a good thing, in my eyes... not so much in her's.  
See three days ago Tifa called me about 10 o'clock at night after she left work. Her dad was again on one of his stints and had decided to threaten her life again. I called the cops.

I was able to get a involuntary commitment on him, in a nutshell they arrest him and take him to be evaulated mentally. He got out 8 hours later. So I met with the Guidance counsler at Tifa's school. Tifa's father was so enraged with us that he kicked her out of the house. Like I said earlier great for me, but she is taking it kinda hard. She isn't used to this type of thing. I've moved over 6 times in the last year so I could care less where I'm at.

Problem now is I lost my job due to my Xanax OD, so we have no money and Tifa is pregnant. The few remaining members of my family who still care about me (and thank god in heaven for them) found out about the pregnancy and none of them are mad...its a God send...

It rained today...

Its always raining...

Zack's girlfriend Aerith...did I tell you about her yet? In case I didn't she truly is an Angel. She basically plays mother to the group when Zack's mother Terri is overwhelmed. Well anyway Aerith's Grandfather died Three days ago..Zack is at the funeral now...I hate when I can't help...

You know when you try so hard to take on everyones problems that you forget to take on your own? Yeah...I have to keep a cool modest attitude for Tifa and I know she is trying her hardest to stay in one piece...she cried today...and I couldn't do anything about it...I would have and easier time blowing my brains out then to watch her cry...

So I'm sitting here writing this, Tifa is on the couch balled up and miserable and there is nothing I can do about it...am I strong enough for this...?

Vincent is at work right now, I have to pick him up later..well in about an hour...Vincent got in some trouble a few months ago...and he has 5 days to finish 38 hours of community service or he goes to jail...

Barrett had a fight with his girlfriend and may have to start a fight for custody of his child now...also..he hurt his back and has been out of work for a week now...how is he to make his car payment and feed his child...?

All I can do is talk and try to take care of Tifa...I need to find a place for us to stay right now...Terri can't handle all these people in her home...What the fuck do I do now God? What the fuck do any of us do?

I've learned quickly that cutting myself only heals so much pain..no matter how much you try to forget the world...it doesn't work... and I no longer have the right to die...

Why Tifa trusts or loves me is beyond me...I just hope she hangs on a little longer..I know I can do this...Its almost funny how quickly life can change so drastically...Two months ago I was single living only for myself and working everyday...and now its this...I can no longer comprehend a future that involves happiness...only struggle and vain attempts at anything that even resembles a normal life...

I'm sorry I can't write more right now, I need to try to be with Tifa...If she will allow it...Oh she just walked up behind me and kissed me...maybe she feels better... at least a little bit...I'll talk to you soon...

Cloud Strife... 


	3. Chapter 3

"Tifa, It doesn't have to be this way...please don't do this."

"Cloud, I don't want to put anymore stress on you or your roommates...I can just stay with Jesse for a little while until Dad lets me come home."

I looked to the floor with mixed emotions about love, fear, denial, and all out stress.

"I told you I would do this for a reason, your not putting stress on me, I told you I got this covered."

"I'm gone tomorrow tonight Cloud..."

and I begin to question why I even started this fight to begin with. It seemed as though I was doing the right thing by getting her away from her father, but now it seems that it has only thrown her into a deep depression. I walk out the door and let it slam loud enough to let her know I'm pissed. We haven't had physical contact in over two weeks.

"Cloud..."

We share a cold bed in which she is on the opposite side under a different blanket, facing the other way, fully clothed, and her head under a pillow. I try to be the good guy and not push for anything and to just give her the space she needs. I am only human and once in awhile I need a reminder for why I'm fighting this battle, with how cold and platonic our relationship has been the last two weeks, I've really lost sight of the reasons I begun this fight.

"CLOUD!"

Aerith shouts my name, It's probably time for a lecture. We have been staying with her for the past 3 days in the guest bedroom so I assume she has gotten curious as to why she doesn't hear the headboard banging up against the wall at 2 AM.

"What's your deal, Hun?" She says as she give me one of her signature looks that could pierce through you in a heartbeat.

"This relationship is starting to get useless...Its so platonic that I feel like a baby sitter compared to a boyfriend."

"Yeah...I could understand...but you know she just needs her space."

"I CAN'T TAKE IT AERITH!, for the last two weeks its been nothing but avoidance and awkward unwanted contact and kisses..when I got in this fight things were fine, we were so madly in love..and I know I feel the same... but does she??"

I punched the wall near me which in turn split my knuckle and began to bleed.

"Damn it, Cloud! Don't hurt yourself!" She grabbed my hand to take a closer look.

"Fuck it, Aerith I don't know if I should give up now..." I looked down again...defeated...rubbing my bloody knuckle..

"Well it's kinda late for that isn't it? You got her pregnant!" She threw her hands up in frustration and began to walk off.

"Wait... I don't want to give up, you know how much I love her, I just don't know. what happens now? When she leaves will I see her again? Will she be safe? Will she..."

"Cloud, stop. Listen, She has put up with the bullshit since she was a kid, It's a mind fuck, well in simpler terms...She is not gonna let you fight her battles for her, she isn't able to do that, she is so used to dealing with it she won't know what to do if she doesn't have a battle to fight."

Her words made sense in a bad sort of way, I didn't want to accept the reality in front of me, I wanted to be her knight in shining armor when it was now very apparent that she didn't want me to be...

Ring Ring

"Hello"  
"Cloud, It's Vincent...I spoke with Tifa...Its the fact that she doesn't want you to take her stress, she just wants you to be there when she needs you...just be someone she can call and trust...you should come in here."

Click

So Tifa was so used to fighting with her dad it has become normal to her. So even though I try to take her away from the fighting and the stress and give her a more comfortable life...in the end that isn't what she wants at all, hell maybe its a cry for attention. At any rate right now I feel like everything wrong in her life is now my fault...no matter how much she tells me otherwise.

Hey, if she can have her mindfucks I can have mine.

I smile as I attempt to shed the first tear I've cried in over 3 years..it doesn't work, So I resort to cutting again, If I can't cry it out I'll bleed it out...

Depression has been a consistent mood in my life for 3 years now, you get used to it after awhile. I walked inside and slipped my jacket off, again slamming the door as a very small, almost useless, stress reducer.

Tifa is again balled up on the couch half asleep and covered by a blanket so I can't even see her face...I often wonder if all this stress if harming our child...

Wow, our child...Would things get worse from here..? Did this all happen to quickly...and where do we go from here?

Xanax seems like a great idea right now...To be completely apathetic and just pop another 10 of them...take me away from the stress and life in general for a few hours...But I know I can't do that, Even if Tifa and I never get better than I must stay off of it for our child..

I can't let her go back to her father, he will will kill my child...WHY CAN"T SHE SEE THAT?! WHY DOES SHE STILL LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND?! FUCK!

Tifa is dead asleep so I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. She looks so peaceful right now...

I set her down on the bed knowing this is our last night together for awhile...she wakes up slightly and looks up at me...

"Go to sleep baby..."

"Mmhmm..."

She pulls me down and kisses me a few times...I swear I can feel a slight hint of love in those kisses...the same love we shared when we first met...so maybe it really is just buried underneath all the bullshit we live right now.

She falls asleep as I stare into her eyes, for a quick second I can feel a glimmer of hope in the pit of my soul...it will fade soon enough...

The clock reads 3am, she has to be at school at 9am, she may have a rough day tomorrow...

I close the door gently and walk into the kitchen to join barrett and Aerith for a few beers...

Suicide again plays its way into my mind...and wih every passing day I realize that the more miserable your life is, the less you fear suicide. It makes me smile for a second in a twisted sort of way...

and such is the life of Cloud Strife...

Tonight I'll drown my thoughts with booze and pray in vain for a better tomorrow..

* * *

Like I said, this is MY true life story, so it will be updated as I live.


	4. Chapter 4

She lied about the pregnancy...the crazy bitch lied....I walked out of her life to continue on with my own... My story will continue some other time. Thank you for reading guys and thank you for the reviews. Just a bad situation that only got worse. I'm sorry to have wasted your time.... 


End file.
